Saying goodbye... for now.

I just deactivated my Twitter account.  It's been a few months since I've updated this blog.

I'm going to say goodbye... for now.

I'm taking a big break from writing and I've put the dream of publication on back burning. I'm going to write for me. 

Peace out.

And don't forget to be awesome.

stating the obvious

So clearly I've been off line for a little while.

I wish I had some incredible and insightful reason for it, but the truth be told, I haven't written anything in over three months.  I'm pretty sure this is my longest break from writing since I rediscovered my love of writing back in 2006.

I could go into so long rambling reasons for why I've been off line.  But I won't bore you with the reality of my life.

I have been filling my time with dancing... which is odd since the last time I danced in public I was ushered off the dance floor by host of the party.  He was afraid I would crush his grandmother, rightly so.

I've been taking classes and every time the instructor does something, I think, "There's no way I will EVER be any to do anything remotely close to that." Then I watch her do it two more times.  My eyes scan the rest of the class and a few people can do it with some form of success, most can't.

Then I try.

Crap, I can do it.  Just a little bit.  Just enough to let me know it's possible and it's really hard.

Same thing with writing, or getting back into writing.

It's hard, (See the title of this blog post) but it's not impossible.

I've seen my friends victories.  I know it's an achievable task.

I just need to get back into it.

And I will.
But first, I need to practice dancing for a competition.  No joke.

2012 is all about getting over my fears.

2013 will be about victories, no matter how small or humiliating.

Oh the irony....

Yesterday I posted about SPAM and how I was getting it on my blog.  I wrote an open letter asking people to stop because it's an ineffective form of communication. 


Two regular readers left a comment... but the third, well, you'll see.

Maybe you need a zoom in:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!  I GOT SPAM ON A POST WHERE I RANT ABOUT THE STUPIDITY OF SPAM!

Oh internet there's not enough John Green videos to off set your insanity from time to time.

Spam

I don't understand spam.  Not just the ham in a can but email spam.  I don't need a larger penis.. I'm a woman.  I'm not looking to meet singles in the area, regardless of their religion, I'm married. 

Who falls for this?

Seriously?

Maybe if you were a time traveler from the 1930's you MIGHT fall for it.  But if you've mastered time travel then you're smart enough not to give your money to some random prince who magically found you. 

I'm finding my blog, which admittedly has been pretty inactive, has been getting a lot of spam comments.

"I love your blog, check out my blog, iheartfakeblogs.blogspot."  Sigh.

Dear spammers, you're wasting EVERYONE'S time.  Yours, mine and my mom, because she still reads all the comments on my blog. 

Anyone else seeing this trend?  

Writer problems: Revisions

Revision is like doing an invisible puzzle that only you can see and no one else cares about.

Yep. That's my feeling about revision right now. 

But the best part... the very best part is when you know you NAILED it!  You fixed whatever problem was looming over your manuscript. 

Oh the feeling of success! 

Oh the joy!

Oh invisible puzzle for my enjoyment only, how I love and hate you. 


What's your metaphor about revision?   

Writer Problems: Not Trusting yourself

I will admit it, I don't trust myself at all.  Especially when it comes to project I've been trying to query. 

Just when I think it's perfect, it gets rejected-- that's cool.  Believe me this post isn't about rejection, it's about confusion.

Here's teh thing, every time it's rejected, it's for totally different reasons.  So every time I'm rejected I look at the feedback, read through it, mull it over in my brain and think, "yep that sounds about right."
Then I fix the problem... I send it off to again to a different agent and BOOM I'm rejected again for a TOTALLY DIFFERENT REASON.

I've done so many tweeks and changes, that I can't figure out what's right and what's wrong. 

And here's the thing, I totally 100% thankful EVERY piece of feedback I've gotten.  My feedback has been WONDERFUL.  It's just it's all different.  It feels like I'm getting shut at by an machine gun and not a sniper rifle. 

So now I don't trust myself.  I don't know which way is up.  I only know this--- At it's core... I've got an AWESOME book, it's just the details I keep screwing up.

At this point I know perfection is out of my reach...but trying should be.

I have no solutions to this problem.

Maybe walking away for a little while and coming back to it is something.  And the advice trusting yourself is easier said than done.

What about you? Does anyone else have this problem?

Writer Problems: forgetting to write.

This summer I was super busy.  My kid refused to leave me alone.  I traveled most of the month of July.  I read a lot.  I worked out a TON... like at least one hour a day.  I don't want to brag but my butt looks amazing.

We did a lot of home redecorating, my daughter is now in a big girl bed.

It's been really productive. 

But through all this busy time, I forgot something.... Something important. 

Then I read a tweet from someone and it said, "a real writer writes, everyday no matter what."

Then it hit me what I forgot to do.

I forgot to write.

It's the end of the summer and I'm only 130 pages into my new manuscript.  I didn't revise my old book and my book I'm querying still needs work.

HEADDESK.

To an average person 130 pages into a book sounds incredible.

But to a writer...  well, we all know that it's a massive fail.

The muddled middle is impossible to write, it's when it the easiest to quit.

And there's the other projects looming over my head.

It's not like I have a publisher demanding these books.

 But now I've missed a fictional deadline imposed by no one for a project no one cares about. 

And I feel like one massive failure.

Yes, I know you'll all try to give pep talk me about how my real life is important too and how it's all about balance.

I'm aware of this.

But alas blogging keeps me honest and I haven't been doing that either.

Really I'm worried that my priorities are changing.

What if I keep making excuses for not writing and I quit writing before I achieve my goals?

That's my big fear.

Thoughts?